It’s The Small Things That Count
Ask yourself this difficult question. Do you consider yourself to be a confident or insecure person? If you answer this truthfully and find yourself whispering that you are secretly insecure do not feel ashamed. Most of us experience feelings of insecurity at some time in our lives. I feel there are more insecure people than there are confident people in the world. Recently I had an ah-ha moment about how getting the things or experiences we want as children and support from our parents’ impact whether we grow to be insecure or confident. (These are personal observations, not facts.)
Although parents have the best intentions for their children sometimes, small things fall in between the cracks. One example is the old saying “Be careful not to spoil your kid.” This is a great idea, right? Throughout my life, I have realized that there are consequences for this idea. For example, when a child asks for a popular video game that all the kids at school have, it seems like a good idea to withhold these items to teach them the value of individuality and money. However, I have learned that most times lessons are lost. People remember more of what they feel versus what they hear. In short terms, after lecturing your kids about the value of working for things they want. It will seem like you have won the battle. They grow up waiting for the moment to splurge on the video games they were deprived of as a kid and yearn to fulfill the void he/she felt when they did not receive your support. They will feel less secure around their peers who have experienced the game. Wow, this is interesting, but what happens when you give in and buy the game?
Of course, your kid will be happy, but let us think about the long–term effects. From a psychological standpoint, we know that your kid will feel a sense of love, care, and understanding, allowing them to feel safe and secure. They will feel a sense of confidence because they have something in common with their peers. Now that we understand whether to buy or not buy the game is a good idea. What about the lesson we want to share with our kids? Do we forget the wisdom and keep giving them what they want? One idea that can work is speaking lessons you want them to have from this experience while giving them support. In due time, they will realize the value of your wisdom.
All in all, once your kids reach adulthood, he/she will feel that they have experienced having many things, going many places. Most importantly, they have always had your support which is the most fulfilling memory. They will love and cherish you for supporting their foolish and materialistic ideals of their younger years. You can send them into the world knowing that you provided them with a sense of security and trust. They will leave home with the necessary confidence to handle the temptations of the world. Let’s raise more confident children.